Word on the grape vine is...a certain someone (Richard), wants to wait until it snows it collect a Christmas tree!...and apparently it is now the 11/12/11, and still no Christmas tree set up in your apartment!!
THATS 11 DAYS LATE...AT LEAST!!
As you can't go out and get the tree yourself, because its too heavy; I've devised a fool proof plan to get you your christmas tree, before its too flippin' late!!!
Jessy's Fool Proof Christmas Tree Mission
Step 1: Choose the desired location for the collection of your tree
Step 2: Ensure Richard is out of mind, out of sight. He will hinder the plan, and only create obstacles and awkwardness for the collection of your belated tree.
Step 3: Search through those cupboards (that cupboard? haha), and bring out that figure hugging dress and high heeled spang-dangley shoes. Brush your luscious locks,wave that wand of mascara and spray some perfume on your décolletage ;)
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| Temptress! |
Step 4: Get your booty out on that street. I don't care how cold you say the weather is. This mission calls for extreme measures,and its time to grin and bear those below 5 degree Celsius temperatures!
Step 5: Locate a male, possibly of the attractive kind, with large biceps and thighs (they help with tree carrying you see!?)
Step 6: Ensure he is not one of these creepy types, by giving a friendly wink, and observing his reaction. If you feel the reaction is appropriate...proceed to Step 7. If inappropriate, repeat Step 5.
e.g. Appropriate: smiles dashingly and approaches you to say Hi
e.g. Inappropriate: Winks back and yells ridiculous comments like "howw you doin'??" and then wiggles his eyebrows
Step 7: You have caught the attention of your assistive male; now you just need to ensure his assistance. As he approaches you and says Hi...batter your eye lashes (which are beautiful thanks to Step 3), maintain eye contact. After some harmless small talk "names, origins, professions, pets, hobbies" ...explain in these exact words. "You look like a man who likes to work out? ;) ...Did you know...on several occasions I've tried and tried to move a Christmas Tree into my apartment, but it's just tooo heavy! Whatever will I do!!?? *flips hair and strikes a pose*"
Males ego is boosted from the compliment at the start of the conversation, and feels he needs to impress you further by helping lift the Christmas Tree
Step 8: Walk with him (YES IN YOUR HEELS) to the selected Christmas tree farm, choose the best tree, giggle and ask 'oh so sweetly' to chop it down and carry it home for you, using those huge biceps...and thighs of his?
Step 9: WOAH...you have an assistive male bringing home the tree of your dreams by using your womanly ways. WIN. Once it is in the desired corner of the apartment; thank him graciously for letting you use him. and if he asks you for your number, you may give him a fake one...or tell him the hurtful truth (youre engaged)
Step 10: DECORATE YOUR TREE!!!...and start thinking of wonderful stories to tell to Richard, as to how you actually got that tree into the apartment without any help!
and there you have it! a Christmas Tree Mission...in 10 easy steps!
*Safety precautions please (don't pick a male with * shifty eyes *several piercing's and tattoos *greasy hair *no muscles *someone with name Timothy) and be sensible when woo-ing your assistive Christmas Tree Male.
I hope you use this plan, because i know it will be effective.
I wrote this blog, because i needed some cheering up; and what do you know...but problems arent solved, but i feel happier after devising this fool proof plan.
I love you and miss you (Naomi and Jordy!)
Stay safe my cherubs
xxxx
